To the Married Men in My DM

I am not the girl you are looking for.

You know, I was really thinking we’d hit a 100 subscribers this week 😂

But I didn’t even do a lot of PR to attract more visitors. I deserve an Oscar for my unseriousness. I will do better from now on. I forgive you because it can’t all be my fault. Meanwhile…

I have used my hand to do myself. Why did I go and write that I will send out emails on Fridays? It made so much sense then oh. It’s just three weeks now and a girl is tired. See ehn, there’s a lot going on but isn’t that why we’re here?

I was on my own trying to make peace with my old age when married men started appearing in my dm—all at once as if someone sent them. Don’t think they are old sugar daddy types. They are those ones that you wouldn’t know are married until they start telling you they need someone to warm their body and somehow they think that someone is me 😂. Else, why would a single man that is trying to toast me, talk like that? It’s always men with problems at home that think they can offer you money to get inside your drawers 🤧. It’s not like the offers are not tempting oh, I mean what girl wouldn’t want the latest iPhone and MacBook and plenty money in her akkant?🥲. I know they said that we should stop pretending we have money, we should allow someone to help us. I don’t pretend I have money oh, I just look like I have. There’s a difference. But this ‘help’ is not going to help me nau. I just don’t move that way, and y’all scare me tbh.

Alhaji Bello, why are you asking me if I can do massage? That’s a ritualistic behavior. Did you find work for me in a spa?  Where’s your wife? How did we even get here? Is it all a part of getting to know me? Let’s assume you are looking to marry a second wife. Okay, accepted. It is allowed. Is it when she’s rubbing you that you will know she’s the one? Is that how you married your first wife? Nooooo, it is because you think I am a young girl with so many wants and too little money and it won’t take much for you to sway me with your promises. So I should allow you to use me and dump me? I had never encountered such confident lot before —until now. This is intriguing 😒

Daddy Alex—he has a son so cute that I almost got swayed 🌚, why are you telling me that girls my age are not supposed to be living the way I am living? How did you know about my life? Did they gist you? Did I complain to you? You say you want to take care of me. Even though it might seem like I can’t take care of myself all on my own because of sapa’s vicious ways, I did not come and meet you with my problems. Why would you think I’m not being taken care of? God knows I want a soft life but I don’t want to have to look over my shoulder because I feel I am not doing something right. What if their wives find me and disfigure my fine face with acid? How will I find husband? I am not a side chic or second wife material abeg. I can’t even pretend to like someone just so I could eat their money 🥲

Malam Nasiru asked me to come visit him in Abuja, that his wife was out of town. I said okay, fine. Shey we all want to be playing. So just like that, I’ll pack myself and come and meet you because you showed me a video of you counting money? Do I know whether you’re doing ritual? Fine, out of the money you are counting, send transport fare. That was how I didn’t hear from him again and everything ended. The idea of meeting someone for the first time within my area sef, is stressful. You’re telling me to risk my life to come and meet you, and you’re not willing to transport me. After all, you see me as goods abi? A commodity. You should be able to pay delivery fee even if I was a giveaway item that you won.

No no, nobody should console me. I am pained.

They all be stressing me at this point. It is one man I want and one man only. That is my boyfriend. One day, I will show him to you because he’s such a fine man but lemme find him first 🤧

Of course, there are married men that want to marry other wives and are doing it the normal way any man would want a wife. It is not them I am talking about. Nobody should come for me abeg. I hope you get to read up to this point. I don’t want to hear that Samirah is casting all married men. Hah!

My personal growth rate is at a point where it could hang me by the neck if I disregarded it in the pursuit of things that will not add value to my life. I cannot afford to engage in wanton behavior that will add to the chaos in my head. Anything that will complicate my life like this, I will just take flight( not like plane flight o, let’s calm down small, I’ve not reached there yet). I will just run. I did not run 100 m race in secondary school for nothing.

Dear married men that are looking to warm their bodies outside of their homes, I’m sorry I indulged you. It was because I was bored and I wanted to play small. I have no intentions of doing anything with you. I am not the girl you are looking for.

Signed,

A girl looking for soft life in wholesome places.