On Meaningfulness

I’m not usually like this, I promise

Hi, I’m here again

Hoping to turn the thoughts in my head that don’t seem to make sense, into meaningful paragraphs—for you. I question my sanity once in a while. There’s nothing to worry about, I usually get back on track. Usually.

Hi,

I don’t want to be here. My voice is turning to whispers and I barely recognize my name. I am sinking into an unexplainable void and forcing my eyes open, hoping I don’t lose consciousness. But I think I did. Six days have passed and the only sound I hear is the loud thumping of my chest. I fear I might be here a long time.

Hi,

My mind has roamed too far and is refusing to see reality. It has gone to a familiar place, one I painted myself. I never gave it a name. I didn’t think my legs could take me there— or my heart. I enjoy the view from a distance and that’s only when I close my eyes. There, I don’t have to be a hard girl or withhold my feelings. I don’t have to pretend or fear.

Hi,

I know a soft life when I experience one. I am yet to do that because why is life so hard? Why didn’t anyone warn us? Why do I have to do things I definitely abhor for some sort of monetary compensation. Why am I finding it difficult to breathe?

*typing and suffocating *

Hi,

I can’t find my favorite pair of socks. I don’t know why I search for them, it’s freaking hot everywhere. I can’t find my earrings. I feel like wearing earrings today. I feel like doing something impulsive like telling a stranger I love them or wearing tight jeans. I don’t see myself wearing tight jeans ever again.

Hi,

I’ve written a good number of ‘Hi’s and I can’t say why but what I can say is hunger can make you see and feel things that don’t exist. I have eaten and I feel alright. If you didn’t make sense of all I’ve written then I’m afraid I failed to make meaning of the paragraphs and now I have to question my sanity.