I don’t like the way my head feels these days…
Am I a terrible person?
Assalamu Alaykum
Hi! 😁
I hope your week has been great and productive so far. Me? I am alive. The days are long and it seems the nights are even longer. Or it’s just me that’s sleeping too much, I don’t know. My eyes are puffy, which means that I only want to close them again. I’m not lazy, don’t even think it. I’m only going through a phase. The sleeping phase 😌 hopefully it ends this week.
Am I a terrible person? This is just me thinking out loud. Nobody should answer.
I mean, the number of times I’ve asked myself this is… a lot. Am I not nice? Am I not kind? Is there no love in my heart? Damn! I miss writing poems because this is building up to be one sick poem. I would write one but my head is not even there. My head is filled with other things. Other reality things. Like how my sense of taste no longer wants to accommodate white rice and stew. Like how I wake up everyday and I’m still in one place. Is the earth not supposed to be moving? Am I not part of the earth? Do I have to actually move to move?
I don’t like the way my head feels these days. Like it’s so blank and empty. Is this the head I want to use and write exams? The one I want to use and learn tech things. God abeg 🤧
I don’t even want to stress myself as I am fasting like this but this life? This life will not let you do as you please. When you are now a chronic procrastinator, it is even worse. You will just wake up one morning and cancel ‘rest’ from your dictionary.
Back to what I asked earlier about being a terrible person. People have been telling me that I am complicated. Me? Complicated? How? When all I want to do is live a simple life with my simple self 😒. Then they tell me that they can’t explain it. I am difficult to understand. Am I math? I know I have my own flaws ( and they are plenty 🥹) I very well know that I can be unpredictable but it doesn’t mean I am complicated nau. It’s really got me thinking like, what if all of those things they say means I am an awful person? I would give instances but then I might believe that I am actually like that 😂. Maybe next time.
I don’t even feel like there’s much to me tbh. There really isn’t. It’s like you can just see me and sum up my life in three seconds.
Anyway, when you people are praying ehn, please don’t forget to pray for me. T for thenks