I Am Reminded Of…
undoubted flaws and other things
I have come up for air because exams want to swallow me whole.
So these days when I close my eyes, I am reminded of theories governing certain human behaviour. I am reminded of chromosomal abnormalities and other factors causing certain behavioral patterns that don’t adhere to society norms. The crime stories and documentaries I watch come into play at that point because I would always wonder what went on in the heads of the likes of Jeffery Dahmer and Ted Bundy, those were really murderous sociopaths and reading about all their unfathomable acts made my blood run cold.
Furthermore, I am reminded of intelligence and why I can’t associate such things to my personality anymore.
I’m reminded of old age and the possibility that I might have already started living the time.
I am reminded of death, of how it comes and it snatches and there’s nothing anybody can do about it.
I am reminded of emotions I try to avoid but feel every once in a while. A nudge to my shoulder, a presence that seems to linger wanting to play a game I am no longer interested in. A love I am no longer willing to water.
I am reminded of the times I tried fitting into spaces I didn’t belong. There I always was, a square peg in a round hole struggling to find a place. I always wondered why I had to be the weird one everywhere I went.
I am reminded of the things I do not acknowledge that I am. Like being beautiful or smart, or creative. But somehow it is enough that certain people think I make magic. It must be because I am undoubtedly flawed. The combination of a special ability and being flawed has a captivating effect almost like a damsel—beautiful, but in distress. Almost mystifying isn’t it?
I need an escape. An escape that is not really an escape but an escape anyway. You get what I mean, no? 🥲 A temporary soft life. A pretend freedom. One small rest for at least three months in a beach house in Puerto Rico.
