06/10 🎂

Happy birthday Samirah

It is midnight on the 6th of October. It’s my birthday. It’s crazy that I sort of forced everyone around me to count down to this day. That was the part that made me ecstatic. Their reactions to my birthday behavior made my entire week. It felt like my birthday started since the 1st because I’ve been singing it to all ears that would listen that my birthday was near. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it at first but the more I talked about it, the more interested I became. My sister was the most tired of me but she made me beautiful dresses and I found myself at a photo studio—which isn’t quite my style, changing poses when the photographer says, “smile” or “attitude”. I am terrible at both. Once or twice he’d make the poses he wanted me to do himself and it was hilarious. Anyways, I thought this particular one was really giving what it’s supposed to give. What do you think?

This is the oldest I’ve ever been, literally. And although it seems unreal, unbelievable sometimes, it is evident and there’s no running away.

I read somewhere that growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. Our environment more often than not has us believing that with age, we have to throw away our inner child and take up all these grown characters in order to settle into the adult life. But along the way, when we see how we don’t give ourselves a break from expecting so much of ourselves, getting out of touch with things that mean a lot to us, we start to make changes that accept the versions of us that come out on certain days, adult-like or not.

So I’m choosing to not let where I’m not keep me from savoring where I am, enjoying the good moments.

I thought I would have a lot to write on this day because I would be flooded with a certain sadness. I don’t know why I thought this one wouldn’t be different. That I would feel this content and appreciative of the goodness around me. I was prepared to give in to the waves of whatever chooses to keep me down and unwilling but here I am with a fullness of heart I can’t explain. Indeed, I’m beginning to be in tune with my feelings and it’s a really beautiful thing.

I’m just going to slip this in.

This might just be my last post here. It is unexpected and everything but I’m still going to be popping in every once in a while. Thank you so much for being a part of my substack journey. Until you read my words again. I love you 🥹

Now, lemme go and celebrate my day ❤️